Ramblings of a Confused Guy

Originally posted – May 30,. 2019

…it’s ok

Mental illness is something that I would probably never have to deal with. I have dealt with a lot of things over the course of my life and always felt strong and capable of dealing with whatever came my way. And in many ways, i had already done some amazing things while dealing with lots of other things as many of you know.

The last two nights have brought back, in strong reality, an experience i had about 5 years ago. The back story to this is that 5 years ago my daughter and I were in the midst of dealing with an infestation of bed bugs in our apartment. It was a horrible, disturbing and expensive time for me. I ended up in therapy because of it and was told that i had a mild case of PTSD. I knew that i was dealing with something big, but PTSD? That was a surprise. Over the last years i have worked through some of that and it is really has been good lately.

I am currently in Moncton, New Brunswick for work this week and am staying in a lovely hotel. I woke up yesterday morning and noticed that that was a small spot of blood on the sheet and i thought to myself, ” oh, I must have scratched myself through the night.” All of a sudden my brain decided maybe it was a stain from a bed bug. Where did that come from? There is no indication of this in reality, but my brain took over. I proceeded to check the bed and found nothing.,

Fast forward to last night. I woke up around 4 am this morning and did not really want to get up or be awake. I thought I felt something crawling on my neck. Now remember, this is my brain telling me this, not necessarily what is reality. Of course, there was nothing so I lay back down and wanted to go to sleep, but my mind kept thinking and worrying about bugs. I eventually had to turn the light on, pull the sheets back and check everything again. Of course in reality, there was nothing but my mind had it’s own idea. I did eventually fall back asleep and stopped thinking, but it reminded me the power of our mind.

We have been blessed with powerful gifts in our mind. But we need to understand that if something causes a glitch in that powerful gift, it also can be a powerful struggle.

There is one thing i learned through the struggle that started 5 years ago.

1. It is ok to seek help.
2. It is important to have someone close who you can talk to about everything.
3. Just because you need help, does not mean that you are weak or a failure.

Mental illness is not a flaw, it’s a medical condition that needs treatment. I encourage you to find help if you are struggling. I know that help is the one thing that saved me.