Ramblings of a Confused Guy

Originally posted – April 28, 2019

The last couple of weeks have been very rough for me. I’ve been fighting with my depression and i have come to realize the stress is a huge catalyst for my brain going haywire. A lot of it had to do with work stress and I am realizing that my body just can’t deal with these challenges like it used to.

Over the last few days I remembered how, as a child, i would feel sick in the morning and would not want to go to school. Strangely enough I have been experiencing similar things over the last couple of years. Not continuously, but in times of struggle. I wake up nauseous and my stomach heaves, or i have stomach pain. It is real and very frustrating. I have realized that I have been struggling with the problem for a very, very long time (no comments on my age are required). 😎

I am thankful now to understand what the problem is and have a good solid treatment, but it puts a lot of things in perspective.

Kathy, I am so proud that you had the strength and wisdom to begin a new life in a different place. Lori, I am so thankful that you found your way to a wonderful life. Ken, sometime I wish i was more like you and could let things roll off my back so easily, but I love you for who you are….all of you.

It is now my time to let go of the past and create a fresh start for me. There is so much history around me and things that just keep pressing in. Trust me, I know that life is not perfect anywhere, but there are many things, as you know that can impact us and we need to be diligent in our own mental and emotional health. When i was in Thailand, I felt like a whole person with no voices telling me things that i don’t need to hear. I am looking forward to my trip in 6 weeks. I will be gone for 3 weeks and will really use this trip to explore more and confirm my desire to move.

I love you all and wanted to share these thoughts with you.

Your brother,

Douglas